Out of Control?

My life feels out of control. Which is odd because I was working really hard to get it under control. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe it's this move and the fear of the unknown it brings. I was thinking as I am here making dinner what I could do better?

I made my choice to be a Realtor and have a child (the root of my chaotic state most of the time), in part because that's what society says to do. Could I have stayed home, in order to feel like I have more control over my home life? Yes, and no. We are not the best financial planners in the world. We've made bad decisions--like buying a house we didn't really care for and dumping a bunch of money into it only to buy in the next year. Like living off of credit cards last summer. My decision to become a Realtor at all might have been a bad decision. I had an assumption, sure, but if I'd had a regular job--or even if I'd stayed at home, things might have been a little better. I chose to work in part as a result of these poor financial decisions. We needed money. Now we need money again to buy a house and move to an area with a significant higher cost of living. Our current house cost half as much as the new one.

Maybe there's something that could be done--free financial planning, a tax credit so that choosing to work vs. choosing to stay at home is more of choice, encouraging, or even requiring, businesses to offer flexible schedules or part-time jobs.

What tugs at me now is not so much the financial issues (though with a mortgage, they're definitely there), but my concern for my son. Am I spending enough time with him? Am I setting a bad example for him by putting other things first sometimes--my work or this move? Will he turn out okay even if homework is not always turned in or if mom (or dad) isn't waiting for him at the bus and is taken care of by "strangers"? I don't expect anyone to take care of all of this, but I do expect people to someday try to help create an environment where people feel comfortable with the choice they've made and the lives they are trying to lead.